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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29167503">We've Been Lonely Too Long</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ApostateFrog/pseuds/ApostateFrog'>ApostateFrog</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Cunnilingus, Custom Hawke (Dragon Age), Enthusiastic Consent, F/M, Porn with Feelings, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex, improper uses of magic, two nerds who aren't sure they deserve love find each other and start to learn that they do</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 11:27:45</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,153</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29167503</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ApostateFrog/pseuds/ApostateFrog</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Lydia Hawke has never been shy in bed--but then again, she's never had feelings for anyone before. It's different, she quickly realizes, when she's jumping into bed with the man she's spent the last three years falling for.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Anders/Female Hawke</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>31</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>We've Been Lonely Too Long</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Quick note of warning: it is very strongly hinted that Lydia has been abused in the past, though it's not discussed in depth here. </p><p>Some of the dialogue is from the game, but the rest is my version of the fade-to-black. It was just too personal for Lydia Hawke to share with Varric. Oh! And the title is from "Dust to Dust" by The Civil Wars</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>When Lydia heard Bodahn greet someone at the door, she stopped pacing and tried to collect herself. Standing casually before the fire, leaning against her bedpost--no, that was too casual. She stood up straight and folded her arms against her chest. As she heard soft footsteps approach, she turned toward her bedroom door to see Anders closing it gently behind him. As it clicked shut, her heart skipped a beat. All this time she had waited--years, really--and he was finally here. “You’re here,” she said, letting her arms fall to her sides. “I wasn’t sure you would come.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He approached her hesitantly, stopping level with the far end of the fireplace. “Justice does not approve of my obsession with you. He believes you’re a distraction. It is one of the few things on which he and I disagree.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His words stung a bit, though she hid her disappointment that Justice didn’t share Anders’s feelings. Perhaps he would come around in time--or at least she hoped he would. Swallowing those concerns, she decided instead to assuage the ones Anders certainly had. “If you hadn’t come, I’d be out there looking for you,” she said. While it was certainly preferable that their first night together would be spent in a real bed, she would have taken a cot in his clinic all the same. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Still cautious, as though she might run away if he approached her too quickly, Anders closed half of the remaining distance between them. “When I was in the Circle, love was only a game. It gave the templars too much power if there was something you couldn’t stand to lose.” Turning his head down, he looked to the side, and his voice was serious when he continued, “It would kill me to lose you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lydia took a step closer. “This isn’t going to fix that,” she said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He cupped her face in his hand and she leaned into it, relishing at his touch as he said, “No mage I know has ever dared to fall in love. This is the rule I will most cherish breaking.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>With her heart hammering her chest, Lydia closed the distance between them, standing on her toes to kiss him. Gentle at first, until he returned it, deepened it. Her hands moved to rest on his arms as she pressed her body against his. After a few moments, she could barely stand it anymore, and she broke the kiss to take a step backward toward the bed, looking up at Anders through her eyelashes. His hand fell from her face, but she held out her own and he took it gently. He let her guide him as he looked her over as if seeing her for the very first time. Still holding his hand, Lydia sank onto the bed. She pushed herself backward, though her legs still hung over the end. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Anders knelt with one leg between her own, and he bent down to kiss her as she wrapped her free arm around his back. To keep his weight off her, he sank onto his hip, gripping her thigh between both of his own. His lips parted, and she could feel his tongue ghost against her mouth, seeking entrance. He squeezed her hand gently as she parted her lips, shifting her tongue to meet his. Her heart hammered in her chest, between her desire and--much to her surprise--her nerves. Experienced though she was, it had been nearly three years since the Deep Roads. Three years since she had decided to wait for this--for Anders. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And the kissing was the most nerve-wracking part of all. Very few of her trysts had involved this level of intimacy, and she could count on one hand the ones that had held any sort of affection. And even those--in the past, it had always been a one-time thing. A bit of fun for a night. This was something else entirely. Here was someone who knew her intimately already--better than anyone else in the world these days. And as his mouth moved against hers, growing more demanding by the minute, her stomach swooped with the thrill of finally accepting that her nights of fantasizing were over. She felt a throb of heat between her legs, and she shifted her hand from his back, reaching up instead to untie his hair until it fell around his face. She had only seen him with it down a handful of times now, but she preferred it that way.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>With a final brush of his tongue against hers, and her lips clinging to his for as long as they could, Anders pulled back from the kiss to brush her hair from her eyes. “Is it just me, or is it getting warm in here?” he asked, eyes crinkling as he smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think we’re both overdressed for the occasion,” Lydia replied, and she released his fingers so she could start to work with the buckles of his coat. Once he had shrugged it off, he leaned down to kiss her again, this time tangling his hands in her hair. It was a much shorter kiss than the previous one, and though she opened her mouth expectantly as he traced her lips with his tongue, he pulled away without exploring her mouth. He kissed down her neck, burying his face in it briefly before looking up at her again. There was a glint in his eye, and he slowly moved back from her to step off of the bed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kneeling down, he began unbuckling one of her boots, and as he gently tugged it off, he kissed the curve of her calf, tracing it with his tongue. He followed suit with her other leg, and Lydia saw him try to catch a glimpse up the bottom of her robe. She pressed the hem down. “Patience, my friend,” she said. “You’ll see it soon enough.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Anders laughed, shaking his head in a nervous sort of way as he tugged his own boots off. As he crawled back onto the bed, he removed his socks as well and cast them onto the floor. He returned to kissing her, and Lydia reached for his shirt, tugging it up to his chest before he pulled away, the two of them sitting up so she could remove it entirely. Stealing a quick glance downward, Lydia grinned as she noticed the bulge in his pants that she had felt pressing hard against her during their kisses. This was what she was used to--what she was good at. But she could not deny that it did something funny to the pit of her stomach to realize that this time, the desire was accompanied by an expression of tenderness she had never seen directed at herself before. It was almost enough to break her heart. Never in her wildest dreams had she dared let herself imagine anyone would look at her this way. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gently, she ran her hands over his chest, teasing his nipples beneath her thumbs as he leaned in to kiss her again, catching her lips with a hunger even more intense than before. All too soon, he moved away, leaving a trail of kisses across her cheek to her ear. He nipped her earlobe gently. “I think it’s your turn this time,” Anders said, his voice throaty and rich with desire. With a nod, she watched him slip off the bed and allowed him to pull her to her feet as well. His fingers curled around the hem of her robe, and he hesitated for a moment, meeting her eyes with questions in his own. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Is this alright? Do you really want this? </span>
  </em>
  <span>When she nodded, he lifted the hem slowly, never breaking eye contact with her until, after what felt like an age, it was time for him to pull it over her head. Once she was free of it, he flung it aside and took a moment to take her body in. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>His breath caught as he tried to speak, his eyes focused on her sex. “You’re not wearing smallclothes.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I figured it would save time. Your intentions seemed clear when I left your clinic,” she said. “I wanted to reward you with a surprise.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re even more beautiful than I imagined,” he said, and to her surprise, rather than going for her breasts, his hands moved behind her head to untie her hair. When it fell loose, he combed through it to even out the kinks where the tie had been. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you with your hair down before. It’s lovely. </span>
  <em>
    <span>You’re </span>
  </em>
  <span>lovely, Hawke.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“‘Hawke?’” she said, laughing. “I think we’re well past a last-name basis. You do know my first name, don’t you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lydia,” he breathed, moving in to kiss her the same way he had in the clinic, with that same desperate passion. His lips were frantic against her own, and she wrapped her arms around him this time, pulling him as close as she could, reveling in the sensation of his skin against hers. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As the kiss picked up even more steam, opened-mouthed now, and tongues tracing each other’s lips, her hands moved to his pants, and she undid them, pressing her hips against his as she freed his length, her hand brushing against it as she tugged the waistband down. He groaned into her mouth, and she broke the kiss, sinking to her knees to take his length in her mouth as she let his pants and smallclothes fall to the floor. She swept her tongue over his head, adjusting herself slowly to take more of him in. His hands tangled in her hair as he moaned. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wait,” he said, and she withdrew, looking up at him with a wounded expression.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You didn’t like it?” she asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, no--you’re fine. Better than fine, actually. It’s just....We’re not in the Circle. You shouldn’t have to kneel on the floor. I know how uncomfortable that is.” He stroked her hair and crouched down until their faces were level. “We have a bed and all the time in the world. There’s no need to rush things. I know I intend to take my time with you--it’s what I most look forward to about this freedom.” Taking her by the hand, he stepped out of his pants and led her around the side of the bed. This time, he turned the covers down before motioning for Lydia to get in. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He followed her, climbed on top of her once again as she lay with her head on the pillow. “What do you like?” he asked.</span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I beg your pardon?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I thought you were experienced,” he said, looking away, sheepish.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I am, it’s just—it’s just that no one has ever asked me that before,” she admitted. “I guess I haven’t thought about what I like. I always just did what felt right and let the other person do the same.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry,” he said, his tone as gravely sincere as the horror written across his face. “You deserve a lot better than that. Is there anything in particular you remember that you enjoyed?” His hand moved to cup her face, thumb gently stroking her cheek.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I like oral,” she said weakly. “When I can get it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He grinned at her. “I think I can manage that,” he said. He leaned down to kiss her again, this time only briefly. “I want to make you feel wonderful, but if there’s anything I do that you don’t like, just say something, alright?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lydia felt her heart break a little bit at the expression on his face--concern mixed with adoration. No one had ever looked at her like that. No one had ever offered what Anders was offering her right now. “Alright, Anders, show me what you’ve got in mind. Unless you’d like me to go back to sucking you off.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Another time. After what you just said, I’d prefer making sure you’re thoroughly satisfied before either of us focuses on me. You deserve to be with someone who cares what you want for a change,” Anders said, running his fingers through her hair. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re so sweet, I might get a toothache,” she said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He laughed, and then he leaned in to kiss her neck. “Biting?” he asked, looking up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t believe you have to ask,” she said. When he continued to look at her expectantly, she said, “Of course.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He kissed and nipped his way down her neck, and Lydia could feel her own desire rising. It was nice, in a way, to take it slow like this, even if it was agonizing. Anders nipped at her collarbone and shifted his hand to cup one of her breasts, teasing her nipple between his thumb and forefinger. She gasped and bit her lip, and he regarded her questioningly until she nodded. His mouth moved to her other breast, kissing at it and sucking at her nipple until she squirmed beneath his touch; the ache between her legs was nearly unbearable now, but he took the noises of pleasure as a sign to continue, moving his mouth to her other breast and bringing his other hand to replace it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was nearly about to ask him to move faster when he shifted his attention to her belly, dragging slow, open-mouthed kisses down it. At last, she had him right where she wanted him, but he ignored her sex completely in favor of trailing kisses down her inner thigh. She let out a sigh of relief as he moved back up, but as he came to the apex, he paused and returned to lie on top of her, kissing her again until they were both out of breath. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you teasing me?” she gasped when they pulled away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He smiled. “Call it payback for all the times you’ve teased me. I want to kiss every inch of you, Haw--Lydia.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sure there will be plenty of time for that eventually, but I need you, Anders.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can’t know how long I’ve wanted to hear that,” he said, and he shifted himself back to settle between her legs. He placed a gentle kiss on the inside of the thigh he had neglected earlier before looking up at her again. “Just my mouth, or are fingers alright, too?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Both sound lovely,” she said. “Fingers and tongue, I mean. I’ve always loved your hands, and I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t fantasized about having your fingers inside me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That seemed to catch him by surprise, and a flush spread across his cheeks along with a rather pleased expression. “And I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t fantasized about putting them inside you,” he said before finally--finally turning his attention to where she was now so wet she could feel it soaking the sheet beneath her. He placed a hesitant kiss over her opening before teasing her lips apart with his tongue. He lapped up some of the wetness from her opening and dragged it upward, stopping just short of her clit. At least, by him actively avoiding it, Lydia could tell she was not going to have to explain where it was. Even if his teasing was about to drive her mad. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She let out a soft moan as he moved down again, his nose burrowing into her folds as he dipped his tongue inside her before working his way back up. She reached down to tangle her fingers in his hair, drawing him closer into her; his scruff tickled her folds as his chin pressed against them, sending another wave of heat to Lydia’s core. Anders’s warm, brown eyes flicked up, and they were filled with a mixture of lust and genuine affection as his tongue circled her, always just shy of actually touching her clit. He shifted without looking away from her face, and pressed the tips of two fingers into her opening. As he pushed in farther, his mouth found her clit at last, taking it between his lips and sucking gently at it as his fingers moved in and out of her, pressing up against her wall as they moved. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lydia gave a sharp cry of pleasure, and her thighs trembled as she grasped at the sheets. The hand that Anders wasn’t using to pleasure her caught one of her own, and he squeezed her fingers, the expression in his eyes softening somewhat. Though his fingers continued to move inside of her, his mouth pulled back just long enough to ask, “How do you feel about magic in the bedroom?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Aside from the barriers I’ve cast to keep myself safe, I’ve never used it with a partner. And no one has ever used it on me. Except some experimenting I’ve done on myself, of course,” she admitted, and she saw a glint come to his eyes at that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’d like to see that sometime. It would give me an even better idea of what you like,” he said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe after we’ve both finished. And less talking--I was getting close. Before you interrupt again, that’s a yes to you using magic on me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As soon as he returned his attention to her clit, gentle pulses of electricity began to spark from his fingers into her, and she cried out, fully aware from the way his eyes crinkled as he watched her that he was smiling against her. This time, his tongue moved more persistently, with shorter, sharper motions until her hips rose from the bed and he had to shift to keep his mouth on her. At last, she felt the orgasm building, and as it washed over her, her back arched, and she screamed his name. He continued licking her, continued moving those fingers that pulsed with magic as she came back down to the bed, still throbbing as he coaxed her body into prolonging her climax. Not once had a man ever even tried to do that for her, and she bit back a marriage proposal that would have only been half a joke.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>At last, Lydia’s pleasure subsided, leaving a warm glow as Anders withdrew. With his eyes still locked onto her face, he sucked her wetness from his fingers and wiped his chin on his shoulder. Moving up on the bed once again, he drew her in for another kiss, and she returned it eagerly, rolling him onto his back and lying on his chest as their lips parted. She pulled her head away and leaned down to kiss his neck. “I’m guessing you like being bitten and not just biting?” she said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course,” he said in a choked sort of way. Lydia alternated between kissing and nipping at his neck as one hand reached blindly behind her, searching for his length. When she caught it, she stroked it gently before slowly easing it into herself. As soon as his head was inside her, he let out a groan and reached for her free hand, catching it in his own. Once she had taken all of him in, she sat up, using the hand that Anders did not have a hold on to steady herself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How do you feel about magic in the bedroom?” she asked in a sultry tone, echoing his question while regarding him through her eyelashes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Most of my experience came from the Circle, so it’s almost a given at this point,” he said. “Besides, you mentioned the way you use barriers--that’s clever. Never heard of anyone doing that before.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not using one right now,” she said. “I trust that you’re clean, and well, you know what they say about Warden fertility. I don’t want anything between us tonight.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Anders regarded her intently for a moment before saying, “Neither do I.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“In that case,” she said, clutching his hand as she rolled her hips forward, “this is what I have in mind.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She used her magic to help her squeeze his length, tight enough to prevent him from slipping out of her. It had been a concern with how wet she was tonight. She couldn’t even remember the last time she had had to worry about something like that happening. But now, as they moved their hips--disjointedly at first, but eventually settling into a steady rhythm--she relished the small noises of pleasure that escaped his lips. His free hand gathered some of the wetness from around where she moved herself along his length, and he began rubbing her clit as his other hand tightened around her fingers. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lydia leaned forward to kiss him, pinning his hand between them as his fingers moved dutifully against her. She continued rocking her hips at a steady pace--taking things slower than she might ordinarily have liked, but attempting to tease him the way he had teased her. After a few moments, he sent a small jolt of electricity into her clit, and it was almost enough to send her over the edge again. Taking the hint, she started moving faster, never relinquishing the magic as the risk of him slipping out was even greater now. He sent another jolt into her, and she had to pull back from the kiss to catch her breath. She was so close that another jolt would finish her, and though they were both breathing too raggedly to speak now, she could see in his eyes that he knew this had turned into a race to see who could get the other off first. She grinned at him and tossed her hair over her shoulder as she moved faster, clamped down even harder with her magic. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Before he had a chance to use electricity again, she felt him shudder, and he cried out her name--Hawke rather than Lydia, but they would work on that together. She continued to rock her hips, though she returned to the slower pace she had used before as she allowed her magic to dissipate. As Anders collected himself, he brushed his thumb against her clit and the spark that came from him was enough to send her over the edge, too. She sank back, taking him in full as she cried out, this time wordlessly, and she continued moving her hips until her climax faded. Once it had, she let him slip out of her, and she let him roll them both onto their sides. His arm wrapped around her back and their joined hands were pressed between them as they caught their breath. He hooked a leg over hers as he traced her spine with his knuckles. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you,” he said, and the warmth in his eyes as he said it sent a jolt through her that was more powerful than any of the magic he had used tonight. “I’ve been holding back from saying that. You should have a normal life, not be tied down to a fugitive with no future. But I don’t ever want to leave you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t ever leave,” Lydia said. She had never been in love before, but Maker, she was now, even if she couldn’t bring herself to say it just yet. The words were too foreign for her tongue to wrap around. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Anders squeezed her hand. “Do you mean that? Would you have me here, living with you? Would you tell the world, the knight-commander, that you love an apostate and you will stand beside him?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Swallowing the lump in her throat as she nodded, she said, “I want you right here. Until the day we die.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>His hand moved to the back of her neck, and his fingers played with her hair. “For three years, I have lain awake every night, aching for you. I’m still terrified I’ll wake up.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wrapping her arm around him as she pressed her body forward against his, Lydia drew him in for another, lingering kiss. As his tongue moved against hers, she couldn’t bear to risk letting him think that she didn’t return his feelings just as intensely. Pulling away, she said, “You’re the only person I’ve been with since the Deep Roads. I was interested in you before that, but that was when I knew I couldn’t stand to be with anyone else. So I started spending nights in your clinic, and I always hoped that it would lead to something more, but until tonight, I thought maybe it was one-sided. And I know I’m making it sound like it’s just physical for me, but it’s not. I--I--I’m really bad at this, aren’t I? I have feelings for you. Strong feelings, even.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Anders laughed, but it was warm and affectionate. “You don’t have to say it back if you’re not ready.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I </span>
  <em>
    <span>am </span>
  </em>
  <span>ready,” she said. “It’s just difficult. I’ve never--I’ve never been in love before, and I used to think it was impossible, but it’s not. Because that’s how I feel about you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Close enough,” he said, and he gave her a gentle kiss. “I knew how you felt when you agreed to let me move in, but it is nice to hear it. You’ve been my best friend for three years, and I can’t even begin to tell you how much I look forward to coming home to you every night from now on.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lydia pressed her hips closer against his. “Tomorrow, the door will be closed, but you can enter without knocking. I just don’t want Mother or Bodahn to catch a glimpse of me lying here naked, waiting for you to ravish me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He kissed her fiercely, rocked his hips against hers. “I look forward to it,” he said, “but we still have plenty of time left for ravishing tonight.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Grinning, Lydia lay back on her pillow, but Anders did not take his time. He moved quickly until he lay between her legs once more, fingers stroking the inside of her thigh as he watched her face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you still want to watch me?” she asked, moving her hand to spread her lips apart, holding them there until he finally looked away from her face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>With a throaty moan, he nodded, and she dipped a finger into herself briefly before dragging it lazily between her lips until she reached her clit. She began rubbing quickly, adding a second finger and sending small, alternating pulses of frost and electricity into herself. After only a few moments, she moaned loudly, and her hips rose from the bed as she rode out her orgasm. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t like teasing?” Anders asked as he looked at her face once more. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I liked it when you did it,” she said. “But masturbation is about getting off quickly, at least for me.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I understand, but I was hoping for a longer show,” he said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lydia grinned. “I can keep going, or you can jump in.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Another time.” Taking her hand, he slipped her fingers into his mouth, dragging his tongue along them to remove her wetness. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You like the way I taste, I take it?” she asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t get enough of you,” Anders said, releasing her hand and diving into her folds. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lydia sank into the bed and closed her eyes, reveling in the sensation of his tongue against her. Even if he had not told her how he felt, she would have known it from the way he was so eager to please her, from the way he seemed to be enjoying this as much as she was. This time, he did not seem inclined to tease her, and when his fingers pushed inside her, he alternated between frost and electricity the way she had as his relentless mouth worked at her clit until she cried out again, rising from the bed. She kept her eyes closed, even as she came back down, relaxing into the mattress. After a moment, Anders moved back up to kiss her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Opening her eyes after he broke the kiss, she said, “Trade places with me. That’s four times tonight I’ve gotten off, and only once for you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I want to try and make up for the nights you’ve spent with people who didn’t care about your needs,” he explained, cupping her face in his hand as he drew her in for another kiss. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lydia turned away. “And what about yours? I care about what you want, too, you know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ve given me a home. I think that makes things unevenly slated in my favor, wouldn’t you say?” His thumb brushed her cheek, and she leaned into his touch. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He wasn’t wrong, but she still wanted to do more for him. She caressed his back gently, stroking her hand down to grab his ass, pulling him closer against her. “If you’re so intent on pleasing me, what would you say if I told you what I want right now is to have you inside me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He laughed. “I certainly wouldn’t say no to that.” Shifting slightly, he reached a hand between them to guide himself into her, thrusting his hips forward gently as she wrapped her legs around his back. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lydia drew her magic around him, and he buried his face in her neck as he moved so slowly that she bucked her hips impatiently. “You don’t have to be so gentle,” she said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve waited so long for this, I don’t want it to be over quickly.” Anders gave her a quick peck on the lips. “But I’ll go faster if you aren’t enjoying yourself.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not that. It’s—” Lydia cut herself off rather than give voice to what he surely already knew. She had never realized that taking things slowly could be enjoyable, and certainly not for a man. Maybe this was the difference that came from spending the night with someone who wanted </span>
  <em>
    <span>her </span>
  </em>
  <span>instead of spending it with someone for whom any pretty face would do. Anders moved his hand to play with her clit, rather than squeezing her breasts the way she had come to expect from men. Not for the first time, she realized that she had been used in the past, but she would never have to worry about that again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Moving somewhat faster now, though still incredibly gentle as he did so, Anders bent down to pepper her face with kisses. “You are the most beautiful woman in Thedas,” he said, punctuating each word with yet another kiss. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lydia giggled, and it seemed to startle both of them. She couldn’t even remember the last time she had done that, and judging by the look on his face, it certainly hadn’t been in front of Anders. After a moment, the surprise faded and gave way to a smile that melted her heart. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Out of all the sounds you’ve made tonight, that was my favorite,” he said, kissing her again. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you so happy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Likewise. We should have done this years ago,” Lydia said, pulling him down for another kiss. As she drew his mouth open, his fingers moved more intently against her. She moaned into his mouth as the orgasm swept through her, sending her hips up into his. From the way his breath hitched, she could tell he wouldn’t last long either. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Pulling back from the kiss, he leaned his forehead against hers. “I love you, and I’m not just saying that because I--” His sentence was cut off in a moan as he came, thrusting deeper into her than before. Lydia released her magic and stroked his back until he returned to himself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know you mean it. I—I love you, too,” she said, and the ease with which the words came from her mouth surprised her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As he slipped out of her, Anders tangled his fingers in her hair. Pushing against the bed, Lydia unhooked her legs and rolled him onto his back so she could lie on his chest. She sighed contentedly as she tucked her head beneath his chin. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you think anyone noticed we never showed up for Wicked Grace night?” she asked as she traced circles on his skin. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Anders tensed slightly, but then he drew his arms around her, holding her close. “That was tonight, wasn’t it? I’d rather be here with you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So would I.” Lydia pressed her lips to his throat. “Think we should tell them or would you rather see if they can figure it out?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He stroked down her back and gave her ass a gentle squeeze. “Maybe I’ll do this next time we’re with Varric. Then everyone in Kirkwall will know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Laughing, Lydia propped herself up on her forearms to look at him, her hair falling in her face. Anders reached up to tuck it behind her ear and she turned slightly to kiss his wrist. “I like your idea best,” she said, stifling a yawn. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We should probably get cleaned up before we fall asleep.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lydia closed her eyes and buried her face in his neck as he wrapped his arms around her again. “Sleep sounds nice. Don’t you dare sneak out to the clinic, though. I want to wake up in your arms tomorrow.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Holding her tighter, Anders said, “I want to wake up with you in my arms every morning for the rest of my life. I’m not going anywhere.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I should at least put out the fire. Wouldn’t be much fun to have to run outside naked if it spreads while we’re asleep.” Lydia rolled off him and settled onto the floor. As she doused the flames, she heard the bed creak and turned to see Anders rifling through her wardrobe. “Looking for a trophy? My underthings are at the bottom.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was looking for a cloth,” he said, cheeks turning red.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There’s a small washroom through there. The cloths are under the basin,” Lydia said, gesturing toward a door beside the wardrobe. “You’re still welcome to take your pick from my underthings, though. That’ll give you something to remember me by when we’re apart.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She doused the fire and conjured a small dragon made of flames to light the room. A candle burned low on her desk, and she snuffed it out with a fist. She heard the tap running and then Anders returned, holding out a cloth for her as he cleaned himself off. She wiped the space between her legs before taking Anders’s cloth and tossing them both into her pile of dirty laundry. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Would you like a glass of water before we turn in for the night?” she asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That sounds nice. Thank you,” he said. “Would you like me to change the sheets while you’re gone?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re going to go through a lot of sheets if we change them every time,” Lydia said, and she saw his smile in the thin light of her conjured dragon. “You can try drying them off a bit, though.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll do that, then.” Anders raised a hand and a gust of warm wind circled through the room as Lydia retrieved her discarded robe. Slipping it over her head, she snuck out the door. The house was mostly dark as she crept downstairs to the kitchen, but when she entered, she found Bodahn sitting at the table. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looked up at her, and his eyes danced as he asked, “Did you have a good time with your guest?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A wonderful time.” Lydia strode to the cupboard and removed two glasses. “If you see Orana before I do, would you tell her to set an extra place for breakfast? And for dinner as well. From now on.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Things went that well?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s been a long time coming, Bodahn. I should have asked him as soon as I moved in here,” Lydia said as she filled the glasses at the sink. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You always did look happier when he came to call. It’ll be nice to see you smiling more often, Lady Hawke.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks, Bodahn. Have a good night.” With that, Lydia made her way back upstairs, coating the glasses in a layer of frost to chill the water within. Back in her room, she found Anders sitting on the end of the bed, and she handed both glasses to him so she could remove her robe. Once it lay in a crumpled pile on the floor, she sat beside him and he handed her a glass. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“To us,” he said, knocking his own against it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“To us,” Lydia echoed. The two of them downed their glasses quickly, then carried them to the mantle. Lydia’s fire dragon had nearly burned itself out, but there was still enough light to see by. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Anders caught her by her waist and pulled her in for a kiss before guiding her back to the bed. As they pulled the covers over themselves, Anders wrapped his arms around her. Lydia let her dragon burn out, leaving her to search blindly for his lips. They were still kissing when she drifted off to sleep. </span>
</p><p><br/>
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